So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
even my farts smell like vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
