just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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