rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize