Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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