he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
