I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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