i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
