How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
