You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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