hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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