i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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