I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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