just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
