One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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