I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
