if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
