Its about making memories worth repressing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
