# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need moral support for this bender
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
