ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
