In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
