Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sex in a hospital.. check
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
