He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
