he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
