It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish my penis had a tongue
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
