So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
