He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
