I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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