i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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