I am puke
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
