so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
