Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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