then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
