For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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