I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize