i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
