just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
