He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
