You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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