i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
