This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
