weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
