You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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