I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
