Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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