Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
