she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
