Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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