So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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