Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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