remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize