I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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