Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
