K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
