the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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