That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
