cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
