I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
