I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
