I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
