just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
