Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
