Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
