paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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